The Violent Response of Sinfection
Friday May 27th 2011, 12:37 am
Filed under: Health (Not Cancer)

Last night, I posted a blog entry about The Right Horrible Lord Sinfection, a sinus infection so twisted, it was banned from the “enhanced” interrogations at Gitmo during the Bush years. Even the Vice President admitted that, “anyone with this thing [in] their body who isn’t under the comfortable care of Mom will break like a pacemaker… [it’s] just too evil.” Even Darth Vader has his limits.

In that last entry, I stood up to Sinfection and told it that I was rallying my best immune system troops against it, so its remaining time in my body would be short. I boasted about facing down bigger, tougher diseases, and defeating them. It made me feel good to write that stuff. Apparently, however, Sinfection did not believe my blog portrayed it in the favorable light it thought it deserved. It paid me a special visit this evening to discuss possible edits to yesterday’s blog. And when I say “discuss possible edits,” I mean it beat the living daylights out of me. Then it beat the snot out of me. And then it beat the… well, you get the picture.

I had a coughing fit this evening that felt like it would never end. I just could not get enough air. My throat was blocked off at some points, but I was able to maneuver the offending sputum out of my airway. It was nothing short of exhausting in itself, but then I started to panic when I couldn’t breathe, which only made things worse. I must say, in my defense, if given another chance to panic or not panic when I can’t breathe, I will almost certainly again choose to go with panicking–if that’s not panic-worthy, I don’t know what is. I was sure I was going to pass out, but I don’t think I did. Also, Ferris was barking at my cough and would jump up to try to help me every time I coughed, as if he could grab the cough and shake it around. It would have been adorable if I hadn’t been choking.

At any rate, the message was clear: let up on the Sinfection trash talking… or else. For a while there, I actually thought about giving in. I actually said aloud, “Wow, being off chemo is much worse than being on chemo.” But then I realized that if I give in, if I roll over and let some mutated head cold take over my life, well, that just wouldn’t be something I could ever forgive myself for.

So listen close, Sinfection: this body ain’t big enough for the both of us (and it’s big body). You might as well close shop right now, because as long as I’m kicking, as long as I’m coughing, I’m coming for you. I’m not giving in. This is my body, dammit! I was here first! You’re just an insignificant acute infection in story that is unimaginably larger than you. So get lost, or I’ll blow you away myself.


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