Late Night Thoughts
Thursday December 27th 2007, 3:34 am
Filed under: Leukemia

Feeling sleepy and comfortable. Been able to sleep quite a bit. But also feel thoroughly restless and not sleeping as solidly as I’d like. Weird combination.

One time disclaimer: sometimes I’m going to vent gross stuff.

Concerned that I thought I was constipated all week, and then found out I’m totally empty. Frustrated with the idea that I can’t tell what’s going on inside my body and that I may have been hurting it by pushing it too far the wrong way. When I was in the ER on Sunday, they took pictures that said I was full, and I don’t understand how between then and now I became empty. Lots of frustration about this, lots of confusion.

Dr. Mike determined tonight that the vinchristine is definitely giving me neuro side effects. Tingly fingers and feet and weakened extremities in addition to the toxicity (and yellow color) it has given me definitely highlights how powerfully these drugs can change the body. The steroids shoot my blood sugar through the roof, give me the shakes, and weaken my muscles, and the vinchristine unleashes other havoc. I don’t for a second regret being on these drugs or question their necessity, but am constantly in awe of how much shit you have to kick out of yourself before you can rebuild.

I’m hungry and thinking of various foods I’d like to eat at 1:42 in the AM. I haven’t really been hungry in some time.

Today when I first went on the dilaudid, I was taken down to radiology for a CT Scan and got left on the CT bench for about an hour without anyone saying anything to me (later they said they had computer problems?). It vibrated nicely and I took a nice little drug-stupored nap. I think my mom thought I had been kidnapped.


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