Merry Christmas, Sorry I Missed Yas! I Just Want This All-Over Pain To Be All-Over.
Saturday December 25th 2010, 11:33 pm
Filed under: Family, Friends, Leukemia

(updated 12-26-10: see end of entry)

Sorry You Missed My Call: I never made it.

At some point during my time in college, I started making it a habit to call family and friends on major holidays. Some years it was a great way to talk to a lot of people from back home. Other years it was a great way to hear how everyone had updated their outgoing voicemail messages. Today, unfortunately, I continued to feel sick and so I took my painkillers, tried to sleep and didn’t make any of my intended phone calls (the narcotics bottles specifically say not to operate heavy machinery).

So I’ve set a new goal for myself: by New Year’s Day, I will call at least 25 people I don’t talk to on the phone much, if at all. I’ll also call people I talk to on the phone more frequently. If you want a call, but are worried I might not remember to call you, or that I might not have your phone number (or know I don’t have your phone number), just email me your phone number and I will give you a call. Even if I don’t know you, I will call you back. I will dub these seven days “The Ten Days of Calling.”

(12-26-10: email address added to the end of this entry)

Sorry My Brain Missed Your Call: It was out to lunch.

The day was not a total bust for talking to friends. Matt McDole and Elan Lipson stopped by our house separately today for a while. They probably both got to see me trying to keep my eyelids open by holding them up with my eyebrows. Due to pain meds, not conversation, of course. Thanks for coming by, guys, it meant a lot to me!

All-Over Pain: It’s all-over me, but it won’t be all-over for me until May 12, 2011.

It has been suggested that this all-over pain I’ve been feeling lately could be my body saying, “That’s it! You’ve forced way more than a lifetime’s worth of toxins, poisons and off-brand generic hospital sodas into me for the past three years; I’m outta here, let’s bounce.” But me and my brain are staying put. We want to ride this thing out to the bitter end. Even if that bitter end turns out to be exactly the way it’s been heading: very bitter.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to be done with chemo like crazy; I just want to finish it like we set out to finish it.

When I’m done with chemo on May 12, I think knowing I did everything I could do during the final months of treatment will give me a comfort I will need. Knowing that I did everything I could, I will not have to lead a constantly paranoid and self doubting life, constantly suspicious of whether I have leukemia again from totally unrelated ailments and thinking, “Welp, this is it! 89 years old and leukemia’s back! If only I’d made it through those last few months of treatment to the incredibly bitter end back in ’11, maybe this toe stubbing wouldn’t have such dire consequences!”

Also, if I end up having a recurrence of leukemia (c’mon body, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen; we can work… together), I will at least know that I did everything I could, even in the difficult final months. I wouldn’t be happy about it, but at least I wouldn’t be mad at myself for the rest of my life (until my untimely death in 2073, when I die due to complications from a stubbed toe) for doing three years and two months of treatment only to bail in the last few months.

Merry Christmas Dinner And Dessert: I feel like holly, jolly crap, but I’ll go say “hi” to everyone at least.

We went to Christmas dinner in my aunt and uncle’s neighborhood clubhouse. It’s basically a big space any of the people who live in the neighborhood can reserve for big events. And man alive, we needed that big space. Between our family and my uncle’s family, there were 40-some-odd people there. Roo and Boo weren’t there. Roo’s going to Israel in a few days and Boo went with Andrew’s family to Arizona for Christmas. But even without hiding behind my sisters, it was fun to spend time talking with my cousins, and really just to be around them. Many of my cousins who came into town for this Christmas reunion, grew up in Colorado and were here even through my being in the hospital back in 2008. I miss Kristina and Ivan, who are living out in Florida working, in different functions, in medicine. Kristina’s working to rehabilitate brain damaged veterans and Ivan is working towards his nursing degree. They’re great.

I also really miss Adam and Amy and their wonderful three year old daughter Noa, all three of whom are also great. They now live in Las Vegas, where Amy’s dad bribed them to live. He is putting Adam and Amy through college at UNLV so he can be around his granddaughter Noa all the time and take her to Disneyland and just otherwise bask in her majestic presence. Honestly, if I had the money, there might have to be a bidding war. Upon first seeing me tonight, Noa looked at me sternly and with genuine concern, told me, “I missed you–I didn’t know where you were.” There’s just no beating that.

It was great to just hang out with my cousins, and as an extra bonus, our cousins who’ve lived in Florida their whole lives that we rarely get a chance to see in person, fit right in to our group of cousins, husbands, wives and three year old Noas. (Okay, I’ll say it, Lauren and Vik are great, too.) I was also able to talk to some of my uncle’s family, specifically one of his sons, who is himself battling cancer and has been a huge inspiration to me these past few years. So ultimately, I’m quite glad I decided to push through my pain and attend.

Pickles The Puppy: Seriously, I need to go to bed—awlookatthatlittleface. Just loook at it! How could you not just fall right in wuv wif that cute widdle face?!! And so on.

I decided I need to head home and go to bed, but then I heard Aunt Stacie was bringing Pickles, her new puppy dog, to our house. Again I decided to push through my growing pain with my reserve battery powered energy, so I could meet Pickles. Pickles is a Cavachon, a Cavalier King Charles/Bichon Frise mix. She’s pretty adorable and she and Ferris were pretty funny together. Ferris is our dog, who we think is a full Bichon Frise (we don’t know for sure about either; they’re both from animal rescues).

Ferris wasn’t quite sure what to think of Pickles. She’s a puppy, so she’d let out this tiny bark letting Ferris know she wanted to play, but when he answered with his much louder bark, she would get scared and jump back into my aunt’s lap.
Pickles & Ferris

Oh Ferris, you sly dog.
Pickles & Ferris 2

At this point, I can do no more pushing through pain. I’m hurting all over and just need to crawl into bed. Good night, and have a very happy rest of Decemberween!

UPDATE (12-26-10): Whoops! I said to email me if you wanted a call, but I forgot to give my email address. It is reidlevin@gmail.com.

–Reid.

—————-
Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers – Wet Sand
via FoxyTunes


4 Comments so far
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Hey Reid,

I have been reading your blogs from time to time for a while now, but never knew what I should post. I still don’t to be honest.
Not only do words fail to describe how I want to wish you the best things possible, but also those that could do, I don’t know how to say those in English.

Keep on fighting, I know you can make it, you are a great guy and I remember you as a great leader, but also as somebody who helped me a lot in Final Fantasy XI.

Hope we can play together again in the Old Republic, if you plan on hopping on that wagon.

Best Regards,

Vincent Weiss / Vincentio / Jedi Nobody.

Comment by Vincent Weiss 12.26.10 @ 2:11 am

Reid, as always, you are an incredible person with an inner strength I continue to admire. So glad to hear about all the cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. Noah sounds delish.
So, as the new year 2011 approaches, I wish for you no more pain, more strength, no more awful sick days, AND to spend more time with your aunt cindy. Love you! Cindy

Comment by aunt cindy 12.26.10 @ 11:30 am

Hey Vinnie, even though you may not be able to say exactly what you want to say in English, your message is very clear and it means a lot to me. Thank you very much. I hope we get to play some game together again in the future as well.

–Reid.

Comment by Reid 12.26.10 @ 2:29 pm

Thank you Cindy, that’s very nice of you to say. I appreciate all of the love and support you’ve provided me during these past few very difficult years.

I hope your wish for me in 2011 comes true as well. Even the part about spending more time with my Aunt Cindy!

Love you,

–Reid.

Comment by Reid 12.26.10 @ 2:34 pm



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