Re-Admitted To The Hospital; Feeling Good
Thursday December 27th 2007, 12:07 am
Filed under: Leukemia

First off: I’m on dilaudid, a painkiller that is making me feel good, but doesn’t exactly leave me at my most eloquent. I want to get out a few facts and hit the hay, but if this doesn’t all make sense, I blame the dilaudid!

Since my chemo on Friday, I’ve been feeling steadily worse with stomach problems and various other maladies. It’s crazy how much worse this process makes one feel before feeling better. As my dad keeps saying, though, we’re rebooting the system and that’s not an easy thing to do. It’s deconstruction.

I fell in the bathroom on Sunday while my dad was out for a short time. My mom heard me fall and came to help, but I was so weak that I couldn’t get off the floor for about an hour. It took my mom about an hour to get me into bed. It was scary and very, very frustrating. We went to the ER, and they took me off my blood pressure medication. Suggestions were made for the abdominal pain.

Last night in addition to the pain I’ve been in, we noticed that I was turning yellow. Yellowish skin, yellow eyes, the whole works. We called the clinic, and they had me come in today.

This morning, touching my stomach, let alone moving, was unbearably painful. I was a moaning mess. The decision was made fairly quickly upon arriving at clinic that I would be re-admitted. My parents have taken to carrying a “pregnancy bag” in the car that basically contains whatever I’ll need to stay over at the hospital whenever I need to (toothbrush, jammies, etc). Ever prepared, again, I can’t imagine doing this without the two of them. I’m blessed.

I was given dilaudid (this post has taken me all day–I really can’t think straight on the stuff), which calmed me down and has made me feel much, much, much better. Tests revealed that I’m yellow because of a toxic level of bilirubin, which presents as jaundice. There was a concern that I might have an infected pancreas or something, but the current thought seems to be that the toxicity is from my chemo last Friday.

This Friday’s chemo may have to be pushed back or weakened a bit while we observe what happens and clear out my system a bit. Different chemo drugs effect people differently, and apparently once patients get into their 20s, vinchristine has a higher chance of causing toxic effects.

People keep expressing empathy that I’ve been re-admitted; everyone is sorry to hear I have to stay at the hospital again. The truth is, though, it gives me great relief to be back. After days of not knowing why I was feeling worse and worse at home, I feel like I can worry a little less. As much support as I have at home, it’s a very good feeling that there’s somewhere I can go where people are logically figuring out what’s wrong with me, why, and how we’ll deal with it.

A lot of nice calls (and even some visits) over the past few days.

Spoke to Amy today at great length. Was very comforting. We made the decision that her next visit will be a celebratory visit, so we’re going to wait until after induction (phase one treatment–prednisone, etc). We will eat cake and Coke when she comes.

It felt very important to post all this, because even though I’m having trouble thinking with a lot of clarity, this is the first time I’ve felt up to posting in days. I woke up feeling just horrible, and now I feel like I can get a good night’s sleep.

With love from la la land,


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