Ain’t Nothing Pretty About Sadist Sinus Infection “Sinfection”
Thursday May 26th 2011, 4:28 am
Filed under: Health (Not Cancer), Me, Myself, and Reid

Dear unwelcome tenant of my body, the Most Horrible Sinus Infection, Sinfection,

I hate you. Go away.

Allow me to elaborate. I’ve had a lot of sinus infections in my life. I’ve probably already had more sinus infections than most people have their entire lives. Some of them have been really mean–the kind of infections even the worst viruses know to avoid. But I’ll admit, you are, without a doubt, the worst sinusitis I’ve ever encountered.

You are one badass mucosa infector, Sinfection. You’ve taken over my head and given me debilitating headaches that have kept me in bed almost around the clock. The vile bloodmucus you’ve produced has slimed its way down my throat and into my stomach. It feels like there are razor blades in my throat when I swallow. I can’t talk, and whispering sends me into coughing fits. I feel nauseous constantly. My ears won’t pressurize correctly. Breathing is complicated. And on top of it all, you’re so damn persistent. You seem to find new avenues for torturing me every day.

I’ve got to hand it to you, Sinfection. You are an exceptional specimen of evil. But you know what? While you may be the worst sinus infection I’ve ever had, you’re far from the worst disease I’ve ever had. I’ve fought bigger, badder illnesses than you, and I’ve won. I danced all over leukemia and I kicked pancreatitis’ ass so hard my gallbladder came out. If cancer and organ failure couldn’t take me down together, what chance do you stand all alone?

Consider this your eviction notice, Sinfection. Pack up your wicked implements and vacate my body immediately. You are unwelcome, and your ironic post-chemo timing is in bad taste. Even now, my white cells are regrouping with the aid of the elite Antibiotic Team 6. Your persistence is futile–you will lose. Get the hell outta here and don’t ever let me catch your slimy symptoms around my parts again.

–Reid.


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