Sometimes I Imagine The Battle Inside
Thursday December 30th 2010, 12:17 am
Filed under: Leukemia, Who Knows?


(GENERAL WHITECELL is looking over battle plans. CORPORAL 6MP is attending his weapons station. COLONEL PLATELET enters precipitously and hands GENERAL WHITECELL a neuron.)

PLATELET: News from the top, General! Command says Oncol has removed Sergeant Oral Methotrexate from duty due to causing extraordinary pain.

6MP: First Intrathecal, now his kid brother Oral? Without him, there’s nothing to stop L.E.U.K.E.M.I.A. from replicating!

WHITECELL: Calm yourself, chemo! This ain’t a tear duct, this is bone!

6MP: Cell, yes cell!

PLATELET (quietly): General, Oncol believes Operation: Maintenance is far enough along that Sergeant Methotrexate’s absence will not affect the war.

GENERAL (examining the neuron): Thank you, Colonel. Corporal 6MP, get to work inhibiting purine nucleotide synthesis and then move on to metabolism!

6MP: Aye, aye cell, but it won’t have the same effect as Sergeant Methotrexate stopping rapidly splitting blood cells. That was his specialty.

WHITECELL: I understand that, Corporal, and so does Command, even with the current technical problems going on up there. They’ve decided to submit the entire R.E.I.D. to undergo testing in hopes of finding different painkillers to control Methotrexate. Until then, he ain’t coming back, son, and you’ve got the distinction of being the very last chemo Oncol’s left on duty.

6MP: What about Maj. Vincristine?

PLATELET: She could be back in a month or maybe even sooner if we can show some improvement on the Internal Organ Paralysis Front.


WHITECELL: We’re moving out! Corporal 6MP, lay down some interference with nucleotide interconversion and glycoprotein synthesis!

6MP: Now that’s something I can do!



REID: So wait, why can’t I eat within two hours of taking 6-mercaptopurine?

TARGET EMPLOYEE: I don’t know, sir. This is the ladies undergarments department–the pharmacy is over there.

REID: The pharmawhat?






Prednisone: X [6/6/09]
Methotrexate (intrathecal): X [9/23/10]
Methotrexate (oral): X [12/29/10]
Vincristine: O*
6-mercaptopurine: O

2 Comments so far
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Ben, Sorry to hear about your side eecffts. I have been on Entocort a few times and the side eecffts are awful. Bone loss and teeth problems are hard enough, but I had serious problems with my emotions as well. I definitely understand the feeling of your mind changing so completely in such a short amount of time. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I obsessed over the dumbest things. One of the times, I was terrified I was losing my mind and thought it was going to break up my marriage. I finally decided I’d rather deal with constant pooping than losing both my husband and my mind. The last time I had to stop because I started getting really angry and depressed. I ended up discontinuing the steroids and started taking Zoloft, which has helped a lot. I am a lot less anxious, which has also calmed down my stomach. I wish I had tried that from the beginning. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. It’s nice to hear about people who are experiencing similar things in life. Take care and keep writing!

Comment by Leticia 11.26.15 @ 2:57 pm

Hi, just found out the Guy who I have been in fwb relationship has keeping it a secret from his friends and family, is this normal. Btw been seeing him over 4 years too……

Comment by 04.28.16 @ 7:09 pm

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