“Where The Hell Are You, Reid Levin?”
Thursday August 22nd 2013, 11:49 pm
Filed under: Friends, Health (Not Cancer)

Oh, hello! How very interesting that you should ask where the hell I am. I was about to answer that very question. As it turns out, where the hell I am and where the hell I should be are not even remotely close to being the same place.

I should be in San Francisco right now with my friends David, Claire, and Matt.

Instead, I’m in my room at home, which is a perfectly comfortable and familiar place in which I often try to sleep, but it’s no San Francisco. What it is is a room in the basement, which has led to it being referred to variously as “the cave,” “the dungeon,” and “the Bedroom of Solitude.” In turn, I have been identified as “the troll,” “the dungeon master,” and “not Superman.” I have it on good authority that, contrary to popular stereotypes, trolls’ prefered domiciles are, indeed, caves. Okay, that might not be true, but it’s okay; several of my best friends are trolls.

All right, enough about my cave.

David and Claire recently migrated to the hills of San Francisco from the cheesesteaks of Philadelphia. Claire is a skilled doctor who was selected to work at hospitals in San Francisco, coincidentally, as a doctor. Some time ago, our friend Melissa announced that she would be getting married in Yosemite National Park this weekend, so I devised a plan to crash David and Claire’s home in San Francisco and drive with them to Yosemite. Since I dreamt this whole scheme up before David and Claire were even certain about where Claire would be working, I’d like to take some credit–not all of it, just most of it–for their happy new life in California, where they would have moved regardless of my plan.

(Phew, I’m sure glad they’ve enjoyed California, so that I didn’t have to use that alternate sentence I prepared but am glad no one will ever read*.)

I feel like I might have gone off topic here. Let’s see… so, I’d planned to go to San Francisco to drive with David, Claire, and Matt (in from Hawaii) to Mel’s wedding in Yosemite. The plan went into motion seamlessly this (Thursday) morning, with only one minor hitch: I was too sick to fly today. So I remain in my aforementioned Basement of Solitude. Matt got there fine, though, so don’t worry about him. And David and Claire still live there in some sort of home, so their part in the plan has no problems. I’m currently planning to feel well enough to fly out there tomorrow (Friday) afternoon and pick up the plan from there. Unfortunately, I’m painfully aware that my life doesn’t always conform to my plans. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope! No, I fully intend to be on that airplane tomorrow! Most especially during the time it’s flying to San Francisco.

I’ve been sick for about a week-and-a-half with all kinds of symptoms that have ranged from nuts to bonkers. I’ve been writing when I’ve felt up to it, which hasn’t been nearly enough for me. I miss writing when I don’t do it and I always fear I’m going to forget things, such as what made a particular situation special enough to write about. I’ve been keeping notes, which I’m planning to use to complete some posts over the next week about important things like my great new doctors, their great new discoveries, their great new plans for me, and what’s already gone wrong. In fact:

Reid Levin will return in “Hallucinations Slow Forward Momentum, But Fail To Stop It.”

That’s a teaser to get you to keep reading. Reid’ll probably return before that, though, with an update on making it to San Francisco. That update will probably also contain lots of hopes and wishes and demands that Yosemite National Park stop being so on fire.

Luckily, I’ve learned to be very flexible with plans.

–reid.



*Unused alternate sentence I prepared but am glad no one will ever read: I’d like to point out that my very-clearly-sarcastic remarks about moving to California were taken way too seriously by both David and Claire, so I bear absolutely no responsibility for their miserable new life in California.


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Hey, I meant to tell you I found some note paper you left at my house last time you were over. In case you needed the stuff on it, I’ll just type it here.

*Since I dreamt this whole scheme up before California even sank into the ocean, I’d like to take some credit–-not all of it, just most of it-–for their newfound love of SCUBA diving and echo-location.

*I’d like to point out that my very-clearly-sarcastic remarks about moving to California were taken way too seriously by both David and Claire, so I bear absolutely no responsibility for their being tied up in this whole California-declaring-its-sovereignty-and-starting-another-Civil-War mess.

*Since I dreamt this whole scheme up before the dawn of time, I’d like to take some credit–-not all of it, just most of it-–for everything good that has ever happened.

*I’d like to point out that my very-clearly-sarcastic remarks about California really existing were taken way too seriously by both David and Claire, so I bear absolutely no responsibility for their arriving to find that it is a fiction comprising sound stages and painted backdrops and being reduced to a life of sending “wish-you-were-here”-type photographs in which they stick their faces through holes in those hokey tourist attractions painted up to make it look like they are old prospectors or old mermaids or whatever to friends and family.

*Since I dreamt this whole scheme up before David revealed his true identity, I’d like to take some credit–-not all of it, just most of it-–for sparing the East Coast dealing with THAT whole mess. You are welcome.

Comment by Dave 08.23.13 @ 8:44 am



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